1
00:00:04,647 --> 00:00:08,606
- Where is the girl?
- Soon, she'll be facing ze firing squad.
2
00:00:08,767 --> 00:00:13,363
- Good. And the erstwhile protector?
- Festering in ze cargo hold.
3
00:00:13,567 --> 00:00:15,125
Excellent.
4
00:00:17,527 --> 00:00:22,043
Ah, Ace Rimmer.
Might one enquire how you escaped your bonds?
5
00:00:22,247 --> 00:00:25,922
Just dislocated both shoulders
and slipped between the ropes.
6
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:29,085
It'll take major orthopaedic surgery
to put them back,
7
00:00:29,287 --> 00:00:33,565
but, rest assured, that won't stop me
from rescuing the Princess Bonjella.
8
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,600
You're insane, Rimmer.
You're outmanned and outgunned.
9
00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:41,722
- You expect me to concede?
- No, Mr Rimmer, I expect you to die!
10
00:00:43,207 --> 00:00:46,722
Take him into ze hold,
explain all our plans to him,
11
00:00:46,887 --> 00:00:50,197
then... throw him out of the plane.
12
00:00:50,407 --> 00:00:51,726
Out!
13
00:00:56,927 --> 00:00:58,360
(ROARS)
14
00:01:06,647 --> 00:01:12,119
Mr Rimmer, sorry I can't stick around
for a chat, but I've got to blow.
15
00:01:12,287 --> 00:01:14,847
Do me a favour and feed Snappy?
16
00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:28,320
What I would give for a gun...
17
00:01:29,407 --> 00:01:32,160
...or a bottle of Listerine!
18
00:01:50,647 --> 00:01:55,243
Goodbye, Ace Rimmer!
You were a most worthy adversary!
19
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:01,924
(STIRRING HEROIC MUSIC)
20
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,365
(GROWLS)
21
00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:13,559
Aaah! Aaah!
22
00:02:20,527 --> 00:02:23,405
See you later, alligator!
23
00:02:36,087 --> 00:02:38,362
(SHOUTS ORDER IN GERMAN)
24
00:02:38,527 --> 00:02:39,846
Achtung!
25
00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:43,360
Zielen!
26
00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:48,917
- (GUNSHOTS)
- F... Argh!
27
00:02:57,687 --> 00:02:59,803
This is my best top, damn it!
28
00:03:08,967 --> 00:03:11,162
(SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
29
00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,198
(SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
30
00:03:18,687 --> 00:03:20,917
(ENGINE STARTS)
31
00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:34,003
Princess Bonjella, Ace Rimmer.
32
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:37,876
There'll be time for explanations later...
and hopefully some sex.
33
00:03:38,727 --> 00:03:40,718
What a guy!
34
00:03:53,607 --> 00:03:57,998
- Hold on, Princess!
- Oh, please, Ace, call me Beryl.
35
00:04:01,927 --> 00:04:03,838
(WHOOSH)
36
00:04:12,247 --> 00:04:14,317
Bet he's a sour Kraut.
37
00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:44,520
("RED DWARF" THEME)
38
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:23,001
I cannot believe you're going to do this.
39
00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:26,557
I'm a man, Kryten,
with a man's urges and desires.
40
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,321
Well, what about an ice-cold shower, sir?
41
00:05:30,207 --> 00:05:34,758
I've used up this year's water supply
with ice-cold showers, Kryten.
42
00:05:34,927 --> 00:05:38,203
I was looking
at the log this morning - 112 gallons!
43
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:41,359
If I carry on,
my libido's gonna cause a drought.
44
00:05:41,527 --> 00:05:45,281
- You think this is the answer?
- I know how it looks.
45
00:05:45,447 --> 00:05:50,601
Going into an AR simulation with a book
of cheats and seducing the queen of Camelot?
46
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:54,521
Words fail me. It's the most
unchivalrous thing I've ever heard.
47
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,838
- Are you my faithful manservant or what?
- I'm ashamed, sir!
48
00:05:58,007 --> 00:06:01,363
I haven't been this embarrassed
since I was loosening my screws,
49
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:05,156
and my entire groinal box
dropped into Mr Rimmer's soup.
50
00:06:09,087 --> 00:06:11,157
(FANFARE)
51
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:18,878
Is there any man in our great land
that dare challenge the king's best knight?
52
00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:21,117
(CHEERING)
53
00:06:22,047 --> 00:06:24,163
- I do, sir!
- And you are, sir?
54
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:26,437
Lister of Smeg.
55
00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:32,277
Good knight, do you accept this challenge
from... Lister of Smeg?
56
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:38,046
- I do, my king.
- What do you claim if victory be yours?
57
00:06:38,247 --> 00:06:41,922
I claim nothing, sire.
Serving the king is reward enough.
58
00:06:42,087 --> 00:06:44,396
(CHEERING)
59
00:06:44,607 --> 00:06:47,041
And you... Lister of Smeg,
60
00:06:48,647 --> 00:06:52,606
what prize do you claim
if you should defeat my best knight?
61
00:06:52,807 --> 00:06:58,006
I claim, my lord, a night and a day
in the bed of your good lady.
62
00:06:58,207 --> 00:06:59,765
(BOOING)
63
00:06:59,967 --> 00:07:03,482
A night and a day in the bed of my good lady?
64
00:07:06,047 --> 00:07:08,436
(FRENCH ACCENT) We accept ze challenge.
65
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,364
Do we?
66
00:07:11,527 --> 00:07:13,518
We do.
67
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:19,275
My lady, I think
we should discuss this matter in private.
68
00:07:19,447 --> 00:07:24,282
Do you not have faith
in your good knight to cut this dog down?
69
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:27,285
I do... sort of.
70
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,398
Then we accept.
71
00:07:31,087 --> 00:07:34,841
Good knight, bring me
this knave's manhood on a silver platter...
72
00:07:35,047 --> 00:07:37,641
Hey, steady!
73
00:07:37,847 --> 00:07:41,726
Then disembowel him
and feed his innards to the crows!
74
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:44,043
(CHEERING)
75
00:07:45,727 --> 00:07:48,116
This is worse than playing away at Leeds.
76
00:07:50,727 --> 00:07:52,922
(FANFARE)
77
00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:59,438
When my lace 'ankerchief
flutters onto ze ground,
78
00:07:59,607 --> 00:08:01,598
ze challenge shall commence!
79
00:08:01,807 --> 00:08:05,766
I just luuurve that accent. Rrrrarrr!
80
00:08:05,967 --> 00:08:10,358
If I were you, Mr Galahad, I'd concentrate
on memorising your cheats book.
81
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,844
(CHEERING)
82
00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:28,596
Cheat one - codeword "steedcheat".
83
00:08:30,607 --> 00:08:32,404
Ha!
84
00:08:35,087 --> 00:08:36,679
Heh-heh-heh!
85
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,117
I claim my prize, my lord.
86
00:08:49,807 --> 00:08:52,924
(JEERING AND BOOING)
87
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:04,839
You are the scurviest knave in Christendom!
88
00:09:05,007 --> 00:09:10,525
And I swear to you, your scheme
to seduce my fair lady will not succeed!
89
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:17,155
Cheat two - codeword "chastitycheat".
90
00:09:18,127 --> 00:09:19,526
(CLUNK)
91
00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:29,641
Scum. Absolute scum!
92
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:34,839
If he that calls himself Lister of Smeg
has any honour in his soul,
93
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:39,125
that tent will part this instant,
and he will return to me my lady
94
00:09:39,327 --> 00:09:41,363
and beg the king's forgiveness!
95
00:09:42,447 --> 00:09:46,804
- Has anybody got any whipped cream?
- Whipped cream?
96
00:09:47,927 --> 00:09:52,876
- Ace, we need to find a dimension close by.
- Understood, Computer. Prepare to jump.
97
00:09:57,927 --> 00:10:00,441
- Hey! What's happening?
- Power failure, sir!
98
00:10:00,607 --> 00:10:02,723
Electrics are going down.
99
00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:05,202
(ALARM SOUNDS)
100
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:09,679
The red, green and blue alert signs
are all flashing! What does that mean?
101
00:10:09,887 --> 00:10:13,675
Either we're under attack, sir,
or we're having a disco.
102
00:10:13,887 --> 00:10:16,640
(ALARM BUZZES)
103
00:10:20,367 --> 00:10:22,358
I'm locked out! Everything's dead!
104
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,637
Steering's down, thrusters are down
105
00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:27,605
and we're heading
for that ion storm in sector 12!
106
00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:31,518
- Morning!
- What the smeee is going on?
107
00:10:31,687 --> 00:10:34,485
- A power drain's knocked out the generators!
- Cause?
108
00:10:34,647 --> 00:10:38,959
An object of such awesome power
and charisma, it's flattened all the grids!
109
00:10:39,127 --> 00:10:42,802
I thought it was me,
but it's a craft dimension jumping.
110
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:46,676
- Any ident details?
- The last time we came across this,
111
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,919
it was Captain Smug Git himself Ace Rimmer.
112
00:10:50,087 --> 00:10:52,681
Dear God, don't make it be him.
113
00:10:52,887 --> 00:10:56,846
This is the JMC transport ship Starbug
opening channels. Identify yourselves.
114
00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:02,085
Well, I said I'd be back for breakfast.
How are those kippers doing?
115
00:11:04,447 --> 00:11:07,439
Ace, buddy! How are you doing?
116
00:11:07,647 --> 00:11:11,356
All the better for seeing you, Cat.
Is that a new suit?
117
00:11:11,527 --> 00:11:15,315
It's sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde
witticisms rolled into a point,
118
00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:18,001
sprinkled with lemon and jabbed into an eye.
119
00:11:18,927 --> 00:11:21,964
Wow, that's sharp! Thanks, buddy!
120
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:27,639
According to the log, we're down to our last
3,000 vomit bags. It'll never be enough.
121
00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:35,559
- Ace, how you doing?
- Never better. Sorry to DJ so close.
122
00:11:35,727 --> 00:11:40,721
Ship's computer made a calculation error.
Got a bit of a crush on me.
123
00:11:40,887 --> 00:11:45,563
- What have you been up to, sir?
- Nothing special. Saved a few universes,
124
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:49,083
turned down heaps of marriage proposals
and had my highlights done.
125
00:11:49,247 --> 00:11:51,238
What a guy!
126
00:11:51,447 --> 00:11:52,926
Off!
127
00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:58,796
So, what's new with you chaps? Arnie?
128
00:11:58,967 --> 00:12:01,606
I've been pretty damn busy myself, actually.
129
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:05,760
Let me see - I've begun researching
the definitive history of pockets
130
00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:08,879
and I've alphabetised
our entire stock of alphabet soup,
131
00:12:09,047 --> 00:12:12,084
grouping each individual letter
together with its fellows.
132
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:18,406
I'll take you to the guest quarters, bud.
You can tell me the name of your stylist!
133
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:21,519
Thanks, Cat, but you should be at the helm.
134
00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:27,637
Incidentally, it's Astro Cuts in the Theta
Sector, Dimension 24. Ask for Alphonse.
135
00:12:27,807 --> 00:12:30,367
Oowwww! Yeah!
136
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,125
- Arnie, up for a stroll?
- Thanks for the offer,
137
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:38,917
but I'd rather dangle my genitalia
in a pool of piranhas.
138
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,083
I'll take that as a no, then.
139
00:12:43,047 --> 00:12:45,277
- Go with him.
- I don't want to.
140
00:12:45,487 --> 00:12:50,607
- But he wants you to.
- I want him to choke on his own gittyness.
141
00:12:50,767 --> 00:12:53,327
We don't always get what we want.
142
00:12:53,527 --> 00:12:56,121
He obviously feels some sort of bond.
143
00:12:56,327 --> 00:13:02,038
The only bonding I want to do with him
involves superglue and a rabid hamster.
144
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,883
Oh, all right. I'm going.
145
00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,085
God!
146
00:13:13,087 --> 00:13:17,877
OK, your sleeping quarters are about 50 yards
down there on the right. Bye!
147
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,163
(GROANS)
148
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:24,803
I think... I may need some help here, Arn.
149
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:35,322
I knew it! You act the big shot
when they're around,
150
00:13:35,487 --> 00:13:39,036
but when no one's watching,
you're as butch as an ice-skater.
151
00:13:39,247 --> 00:13:43,445
What's the problem? Travel sickness?
The strap on your padded codpiece too tight?
152
00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:50,124
Sorry to sound so damn melodramatic
but... I'm afraid I'm... on the way out.
153
00:13:50,327 --> 00:13:53,125
- What?
- Heading for the great airfield in the sky,
154
00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:55,522
losing all my breathing privileges.
155
00:13:56,607 --> 00:13:58,677
- You're dying?
- You've got it, Arn.
156
00:13:58,847 --> 00:14:02,442
Your brain moves quicker
than a nun's first curry.
157
00:14:02,647 --> 00:14:04,842
You're really dying?
158
00:14:06,247 --> 00:14:07,805
Arnie...
159
00:14:09,967 --> 00:14:12,720
I want you to become the next Ace Rimmer.
160
00:14:12,887 --> 00:14:15,720
(LAUGHS)
161
00:14:15,927 --> 00:14:18,760
- I mean it, Arn!
- Are fevered rantings a symptom?
162
00:14:19,767 --> 00:14:23,965
The universe needs a chap to look up to,
someone to right wrongs,
163
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:26,635
and just generally
be brave, handsome and magnificent.
164
00:14:26,847 --> 00:14:30,123
- And you think I'm your man?
- It's your destiny, Arnie.
165
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:34,400
What? To wind up looking
like a reject from a Gay Pride disco?
166
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,201
You're just afraid
that you're not good enough.
167
00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:40,484
- You've always wanted to play the hero.
- I'm not you.
168
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:43,241
We established that in your last visit.
169
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:46,484
I'm not the Ace you met last time.
170
00:14:48,407 --> 00:14:52,161
He caught the business end
of a neutron tank in Dimension 165.
171
00:14:52,327 --> 00:14:56,525
- I'm a hard-light hologram just like you.
- Ace is dead?
172
00:14:56,727 --> 00:15:00,481
I took over from him,
and you must take over from me.
173
00:15:04,327 --> 00:15:06,557
My God! What is that stuff?
174
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,877
Light bee's been hit pretty bad.
It's a power leakage.
175
00:15:11,087 --> 00:15:13,965
Electro-magnetic radiation.
I haven't got long.
176
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:18,558
About the time I usually spend making love -
12 hours, maybe less.
177
00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:22,002
After that, I'll be too weak to train you.
178
00:15:24,447 --> 00:15:25,846
What do you say?
179
00:15:33,887 --> 00:15:38,836
It's part of the legend.
I'm not the first Ace, not even the second.
180
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:41,646
There have been... well, more than a couple.
181
00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:45,999
As one Ace dies, he recruits his replacement
from a parallel dimension.
182
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:49,284
We all start off as caterpillars
and turn into butterflies.
183
00:15:49,487 --> 00:15:54,003
We're talking about a man who cowers
under tables with a colander on his head.
184
00:15:54,207 --> 00:15:58,325
- You can't judge a book by its cover.
- You can't confuse Rimmer with a book.
185
00:15:58,487 --> 00:16:00,364
A book's got a spine.
186
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,803
Let me train him, that's all I ask. Persuade him.
187
00:16:07,407 --> 00:16:09,443
(SNIGGERS)
188
00:16:12,527 --> 00:16:16,839
- What is it? What's the joke?
- Nothing, nothing. (LAUGHS)
189
00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:18,998
Well, clearly, it's not nothing.
190
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:23,240
Clearly, you've just heard something
terribly amusing, clearly.
191
00:16:23,407 --> 00:16:28,765
It's just that Ace told me about
trying to get you to be the next Ace Rimmer.
192
00:16:28,967 --> 00:16:32,277
Yes, sadly, I'm sorting out my shoes
or I'd have jumped at it.
193
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:38,321
It's just you, y'know?
The next Ace. The very idea! (LAUGHS)
194
00:16:38,487 --> 00:16:42,878
It's not so ridiculous, Lister!
Other versions of me have turned into him.
195
00:16:43,047 --> 00:16:47,325
If I wasn't needed here so badly,
I'd take him up on it.
196
00:16:47,487 --> 00:16:50,479
Rimmer, how could you be the next Ace?
197
00:16:50,687 --> 00:16:53,884
I mean, you're a gutless,
spineless, gormless, directionless,
198
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:57,357
neurotic, underachieving,
snivelling, cowardly pile of smeg.
199
00:16:58,127 --> 00:16:59,958
No offence...
200
00:17:00,127 --> 00:17:03,915
But get real, man.
Most eunuchs have got more balls than you.
201
00:17:04,127 --> 00:17:07,836
Well, that, my fine, madras-guzzling friend,
is where you are wrong,
202
00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:12,000
because I've taken Ace up on his offer,
and training begins...
203
00:17:13,087 --> 00:17:15,078
right now.
204
00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:29,797
Er, why have you brought me here?
205
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:32,800
Look around, Arnie. The plateau, the summit.
206
00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:35,959
This is where you must be
to become Ace Rimmer.
207
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:39,921
No, this where you must be
to become Maria Von Trapp.
208
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:45,403
Just concentrate. Feel the wind
on your face. Be the wind, Arnie.
209
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:49,037
Unleash the wild power
you know lurks inside you.
210
00:17:49,207 --> 00:17:52,677
Be the cougar running free
and unfettered through the mountains.
211
00:17:52,887 --> 00:17:56,880
- Be the what?
- Come on, man. You can do it. Concentrate!
212
00:17:57,847 --> 00:18:01,476
See the cougar, Arnie?
It's you. Can you see it?
213
00:18:05,647 --> 00:18:07,524
Er... sort of.
214
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:17,805
Oh, I'll never be Ace.
We tried. We failed. I give up!
215
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:21,356
All your life you've given up.
216
00:18:21,527 --> 00:18:24,041
Well, maybe after more training!
217
00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:29,486
I can't keep up the dog and pony show
any longer. It's now or never.
218
00:18:29,687 --> 00:18:32,565
- What's that?
- Light bee remote.
219
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:45,082
If you can fool your crewmates
into thinking you're me...
220
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,358
...we'll know you're ready.
221
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:05,560
- But I'm not ready!
- Try it the other way round.
222
00:19:20,127 --> 00:19:23,483
(SUAVE VOICE) The name's Rimmer...
This is ridiculous!
223
00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:29,603
Ah, Mr Ace, sir. Everything OK?
224
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:32,201
What? Er, yes, Kryten... Krytie.
225
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,358
(SUAVE VOICE) Yeah, everything's fine.
226
00:19:34,527 --> 00:19:38,964
- Are you sure, sir? You sound different.
- Er... could you be more specific?
227
00:19:39,127 --> 00:19:42,039
67% more weasely.
228
00:19:42,207 --> 00:19:44,004
Errrrrrr...
229
00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:46,158
Ah, sore throat. Uh, sore throat.
230
00:19:46,327 --> 00:19:49,637
Bug going around, a holographic virus.
But it affects humans too.
231
00:19:49,807 --> 00:19:53,482
Arnie's got it.
I've quarantined him for 24 hours.
232
00:19:53,647 --> 00:19:58,118
I was wondering, sir,
we ran out of Bacofoil about six months ago.
233
00:19:58,287 --> 00:20:02,519
I don't suppose you have a spare jacket
I might roast a chicken in?
234
00:20:02,687 --> 00:20:04,837
Listen, you stupid,
jumped-up little son-of-a...
235
00:20:05,007 --> 00:20:08,238
Ohhh! Sorry, old friend.
Afraid not. Catch you later.
236
00:20:19,407 --> 00:20:24,197
Good day, my lord. I come
in search of the knave called Lister of Smeg.
237
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:27,840
Wait a minute, old friend. Let's stay calm.
238
00:20:28,047 --> 00:20:31,835
- Are you one of his household?
- Er... in a manner of speaking.
239
00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:34,197
Then prepare to die!
240
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,917
Ha! Yah!
241
00:20:58,767 --> 00:21:01,361
Let's talk about this over tea and muffins.
242
00:21:08,287 --> 00:21:11,962
OK, how about some scones and clotted cream?
Dundee cake? Battenburg?
243
00:21:34,087 --> 00:21:36,840
My God! I did it!
244
00:21:57,807 --> 00:22:00,241
(KNIGHT'S VOICE) So far...
245
00:22:00,407 --> 00:22:02,398
(OWN VOICE)... so good.
246
00:22:05,527 --> 00:22:10,601
That's the most heroic thing I've done since
setting fire to Stinky Bateman's turn-ups!
247
00:22:11,887 --> 00:22:16,165
Well done, Arnie.
You've done us proud. (GASPS)
248
00:22:18,807 --> 00:22:21,799
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for...
249
00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:25,521
(SCREECH OF FEEDBACK)
250
00:22:29,287 --> 00:22:33,326
What's happening, bro?
What's happened to goalpost head?
251
00:22:33,487 --> 00:22:36,365
No, you don't understand.
252
00:22:36,527 --> 00:22:38,518
It's not me, it's him.
253
00:22:38,687 --> 00:22:41,679
Sir, you're in shock.
You sound like Mr Rimmer.
254
00:22:41,847 --> 00:22:43,644
What happened?
255
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:49,246
Ah.
256
00:22:52,847 --> 00:22:56,078
One of them knights
has escaped from the AR machine.
257
00:22:56,247 --> 00:22:58,886
It's killed Rimmer. Isn't that right, Ace?
258
00:23:07,327 --> 00:23:10,125
We should give Rimmer
a decent send-off, you know.
259
00:23:10,287 --> 00:23:13,359
- It's the least he deserves.
- I just can't believe it.
260
00:23:13,527 --> 00:23:16,883
Neither can I.
I was only insulting him this morning.
261
00:23:17,047 --> 00:23:21,677
I haven't felt this wretched since
Spare Head 3 told me they'd held a poll
262
00:23:21,847 --> 00:23:24,407
and voted me the big-eared ugly one.
263
00:23:33,927 --> 00:23:35,724
Hey.
264
00:23:35,887 --> 00:23:40,005
- Decided what you're gonna do?
- I thought I'd stick around for a bit,
265
00:23:40,167 --> 00:23:43,000
(AS ACE)
Get the hang of the character, as it were.
266
00:23:44,647 --> 00:23:47,639
- What's that?
- Ace asked me to fit it.
267
00:23:47,807 --> 00:23:52,562
Said it would take his coffin to its final
resting place, alongside the other Aces.
268
00:23:52,727 --> 00:23:56,402
He's left some more beacons behind
for the Aces that follow you.
269
00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:58,558
I'm getting cold feet, Listy.
270
00:23:58,727 --> 00:24:02,163
I'm not sure I can go through with it, be Ace.
271
00:24:02,327 --> 00:24:05,080
You heard what he said. It's your destiny.
272
00:24:05,247 --> 00:24:08,444
It's my destiny
to be a smug, self-satisfied git?
273
00:24:09,487 --> 00:24:15,437
OK, he was a bit full of himself,
but you can be different. It's up to you.
274
00:24:15,607 --> 00:24:21,682
He said if you got cold feet we should follow
the coffin. You might change your mind.
275
00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:27,998
We are gathered here today
to say our final farewells to Mr Rimmer.
276
00:24:28,207 --> 00:24:31,358
On occasion,
he was a small-minded, bureaucratic,
277
00:24:31,527 --> 00:24:34,200
incompetent, cowardly little... person,
278
00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:36,562
but he also had his good qualities.
279
00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:38,962
Those WERE his good qualities!
280
00:24:39,167 --> 00:24:44,605
To say something about the finer side
of his nature, I'd like to turn to Mr Lister.
281
00:24:54,927 --> 00:24:59,079
Alexander the Great's chief eunuch
has finally joined his master.
282
00:25:00,287 --> 00:25:02,084
The man who kept his underpants
on coat-hangers
283
00:25:02,247 --> 00:25:05,922
and sewed name labels
into his ship-issue condoms has passed on.
284
00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:11,156
Life will never be the same.
We have lost the finest,
285
00:25:11,327 --> 00:25:14,080
most dedicated vending machine
repairman the Space Corps -
286
00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:18,240
no, the universe - has ever known.
287
00:25:18,407 --> 00:25:23,800
No one ever pressed for a Coke and got
oxtail soup and orange juice on his shift.
288
00:25:23,967 --> 00:25:27,846
Well, actually, we all did,
but what the smeg - this is his eulogy.
289
00:25:28,007 --> 00:25:33,286
He didn't have many friends, but those
that he did have were with him at the end.
290
00:25:33,447 --> 00:25:37,884
Even Rachel,
who I suppose in many ways is his widow.
291
00:25:43,527 --> 00:25:45,643
- See you, smeg-head.
- Later, bud.
292
00:25:45,807 --> 00:25:49,356
Goodbye, Mr Smeeee-Heeee.
293
00:25:49,527 --> 00:25:51,995
Bye... Ironballs.
294
00:25:53,527 --> 00:25:55,643
Finally, this...
295
00:25:55,807 --> 00:25:58,196
When Rimmer
originally died aboard Red Dwarf,
296
00:25:58,367 --> 00:26:03,122
Holly brought him back as a hologram
to keep me sane - never an easy task.
297
00:26:03,287 --> 00:26:08,725
He succeeded spectacularly, and for this
accomplishment, we award him this.
298
00:26:08,887 --> 00:26:13,915
Kryten, place First Officer Rimmer's
decoration into the coffin.
299
00:26:14,087 --> 00:26:16,078
Right away, sir.
300
00:26:21,847 --> 00:26:25,681
Gentlemen... First Officer Rimmer.
301
00:26:27,007 --> 00:26:29,202
First Officer Rimmer.
302
00:26:57,687 --> 00:27:00,042
(BLEEPING)
303
00:27:25,287 --> 00:27:26,879
All those Rimmers...
304
00:27:28,207 --> 00:27:33,042
They all did it.
They all became Ace and passed on the flame.
305
00:27:33,207 --> 00:27:35,516
Are you really gonna break the chain?
306
00:27:39,767 --> 00:27:41,758
It's been a blast, fellas.
307
00:27:42,687 --> 00:27:44,643
- Bye, man.
- Bye, dude.
308
00:27:44,847 --> 00:27:47,486
Au revoir, Mr Ace, sir.
309
00:27:49,287 --> 00:27:52,324
Stoke me a clipper,
I'll be back for Christmas... Whatever.
310
00:28:01,007 --> 00:28:03,680
Just had to say one last goodbye!
311
00:28:10,367 --> 00:28:13,279
- See you, Davey boy.
- Yeah, good luck, man.
312
00:28:19,727 --> 00:28:22,924
(STIRRING HEROIC MUSIC)